11/28/2023 0 Comments I dont want to be![]() ![]() You do sound like you have given up on everything, meds and "talking" therapy. I suffer from severe intermittent depression, and so I know the horror of his illness. Lostgal I am so so sorry that you are having such a crap time. I'm really sorry you are having such a rubbish time OP and wish you all the best. Some of the people it features have bounced back from really horrendous depressive episodes and you may find it gives you hope. I've been reading a really good book about depression, The Noonday Demon by Andrew Solomon. Once you are feeling better it is within your power to choose not to be a "Stepford Wife", maybe by working on your relationships with these people, maybe by cutting your ties to some or all of them. You should help yourself first and foremost. You are depressed and therefore it follows that anti-Ds could help you (it can take people ages to find one they can get on with). I am not on ad's now as I hate the numbness of feelings they give me, the side effects (such as weight gain) and I hate the idea that everyone wants me to be on them so I am not a bother to them and will be all controllable like a good little stepford wife - OP, it sounds like the people around you are not particularly supportive, and they may well be wishing for an easy solution to your depression, but that is a separate issue to whether or not to take anti-Ds. I feel so apathetic about it all and I don't want to do it anymore. If there was a button I could press that would wipe me from existence I would press it. These thoughts that I can't get out of my head which torture me daily about what a failure I am, how I am going to be poor in old age and forgotten and I can't stand it anymore. These pains are overwhelming me now - the ache of disappointment and jealousy. That I have come to a point where I can't fight life anymore. I have never felt such a desire to be gone before and that is probably why I am writing this. I find life immensely stressful, unrewarding, full of sadness and disappointment, lost dreams and tiredness. I have spoken to my GP, tried lots of different talk therapies, psychiatrist, counsellor, therapist, hypnosis etc and none of these have made a difference except to my already empty purse. I am not on ad's now as I hate the numbness of feelings they give me, the side effects (such as weight gain) and I hate the idea that everyone wants me to be on them so I am not a bother to them and will be all controllable like a good little stepford wife. ![]() I have felt depressed for as long as I can remember and tried every anti-depressant under the sun. Oldest one is in school, youngest one won't be for another 3 years. Husband is out at work every day so I am stuck looking after the kids. We are living in a tiny cramped rented flat and cannot afford to buy anything. I love my children but I hate being a mum and feel like it has made everything 100x worse. I am here because the guilt of leaving them is too much and because I am scared of the physical process of death. I feel worn down by life and I want to give up. I wake up each morning wishing that I hadn't. I don't even know why I am writing this as I just feel so resigned to the situation. ![]()
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